Sarah's Dream

I am a big dreamer, I dream all the time. Quite disconcerting and disruptive for quality of sleep time I can tell you.

But this post is about a dream that Sarah told me she had, about a month after her grandmother, my mother...whom Sarah was named after, died.  The two Sarahs in our family. It was another tragic part of our lives, my Mother had just turned 65, was planning on a big to-do Bridal shower for my oldest daughter, worked too hard in her garden areas...and died of a heart attack on a Saturday afternoon. 3 weeks before my oldest daughter's wedding, and right after her 49th wedding anniversary, she had just retired to spend more time with my Dad. She missed many big events of her life. We were all in shock, and Sarah was as devastated as us all, if not more.

The picture above is my two beautiful daughters at a Mother's day lunch for me a few months before her car crash. Bliss for me, I love to just look at my children, and enjoy their presence. Sarah is to the right.

Let me tell you the dream she had. She called me about a month after my Mother's death, and said she had a dream last night about Sazie. The grandkids all called her Sazie, a nickname her grandfather gave her as a child. Again, my mother's name was Sarah too.

I eagerly, yet also nervously , asked Sarah, what was her dream about ? I was feeling both emotions, as I was pretty tender inside over my mother's death, and did not want some weird/freaky dream about her to be related to me by my daughter.

Instead...this is what she told me..

She said that she was walking near a very large gate, with a large garden on the other side. She looked through the gate, or the gate door was open, I can't recall exactly...and she saw my mother , kneeling and tending a garden there. Sarah then said, Sazie jumped up, put her hands on her hips ( a family trait we share ), and said to Sarah , " Now what are you doing here ?" 

I then interrupted Sarah and asked, " What did she look like ?"

Sarah told me she looked younger, she had her hair up, my mother did not wear her hair up hardly ever ( except working outside in the Summer ), that she did not have her glasses on, and that she had a flowered shirt on and shorts. My mother never, ever wore shorts.

Sarah then said, " Oh,  and she looked really happy."

I remember crying hearing this, and then I asked Sarah, " Anything else ?" 

And Sarah told me she walked into the garden, through the gate, towards her grandmother.

And that was it.

After Sarah died last July, and after a few months of my mind in complete numbness...I recalled that conversation. I now view it as prophetic , and I believe where Sarah entered through the large gate, was Heaven. I dream and envision my Sarah running, like the wind up there. No sore feet from working long shifts as a waitress and running here on Earth with her friends for miles.

Running barefoot , running for miles, very happy on soft dirt roads.

I see her in my mind, running..and also holding babies and laughing and smiling at them. Those are the two activities I see her doing the most, in Heaven.

She was a bright, bright light in my life, and I miss her always, and continually.

Here is a song I heard in church today, one of my favorites.

Enjoy, and dream...

Gina

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WASTING Your Days

Photo of Sarah taken by Ash Little Photography 2009

 

 

 

My days are going by slowly and quickly,all at once. Before I know it. I have had many things happen, most of what I won't go into. I would say this process of a mother's grief is unrelenting, not abating much, and draining. I see many young women, my Sarah's age, since I live in a University town,everywhere. All alive, all running about, all oblivious of the fragile nature of their lives.

I see Spring starting to arrive, lots of birds everywhere, all over the ground, all in the trees. Chirping, flying about. My brain still cannot comprehend how beautiful Spring is allowed to arrive.

How God keeps everything moving, growing...when some people's hearts are still hibernating. In self-protected mode. I am not the only grieving parent in this world, everyday you can read about children, young and older children...dying. When I read an obituary of a young person, my heart and soul know exactly what that parent is feeling. The shock, the pain, the mind-numbing , the anger, the confusion. The weight of heavy grief.

Another photo of Sarah by Ash Little Photography

The photos I show of Sarah above, are some that she had taken while she was posing for some sunglasses ad locally. A moment of my beautiful daughter's life, a few seconds, caught on film. The concept of time , and how it is our most precious commodity for productivity in life...ALL of our most precious resource, and most of us waste it , is again a topic I want to write about.  Wasting time.

I know I have, I know I do.

I can waste it online, I can waste time when I am talking to someone I love and care about by rushing them through a story or conversation. I can waste it on reminiscing on past regrets , past mistakes, lost opportunities to show love.

That last one really gets to me.

I have been working again( and not 100 % yet ) on making a daily list, setting some goals, not allowing my hours to disappear as in thin air.

Time is one thing , that you can never , EVER ,get back. Once it is used, for productive pursuits, or mind-numbing, simply trite , superficial or crass pursuits---either way,  it is gone forever.

Sarah again, by Ash Little Photography

How do you waste time ?

Internet overuse

TV Addiction

Facebook, Twitter, My Space

Blogs

Sleeping too much

Rushing from place to place

Being irritable

eBay surfing

Excessive shopping

Excessive alcohol usuage

Excessive eating

Smoking

Working too much

I could keep naming activities and pastimes that devour our time. After our tragedy with Sarah , time...and how I use it, and mis-used it, and still misuse it , haunts my mind. Makes me pause and consider more , 

every hour of my day.

I know that I need to use it to show love, in more unselfish , non-rushing ways. To give my full attention, not half of it, to those that I care about.

To have more patience with everyone , especially if they really bug me.

Many times, we only get one chance---in time---to demonstrate kindness , caring and love.

If anyone out there has the opportunity to get more than one chance, take it.

Make sure the person that you care about knows how much you care. How valuable they are to you.

Step away from what you waste  time and energy on, and we all know what those are for each of us,

and spend it on something, somebody that you truly care about.

Consider  the hours of your days and nights.

be a blessing,

Gina

 

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SNOW Hats in my GARDEN in South Carolina

We have had the absolute oddest weather in South Carolina this winter. This is our second snow fall in 3 weeks. You have to understand that most of South Carolina doesn't get snow for 10 years or more. I am not a big snow fan , but my little boy goes crazy with happiness and tried to get outside at 8 AM this morning. I held him off a short bit, but later we dressed and went outside to get some pictures. 

 It is sort of cloudy, and the only light is reflected off the snow. I looked around my garden, and noticed all the ' hats ' my statues had put on. Let me show you...

Here is my lady face on my tree, with her fluffy frou-frou hat on...

She looks very Celtic Northern to me here.

 

My little reading angel has a snow shawl on with her hat.

 

 My two cherubs, my favorite statue , has the cutest hats on.

 

 My chairs covered with snow upholstery.

I do not own snow boots, only rain boots, and my feet are already getting too cold after about 5 mins. out here. I have my husband's gigantic coat on that the hood keeps falling over my face and covering my eyes. Hard to take pictures , but I prevailed with a few.

 That black large spot in the snow is Maxine ready for a walk.

 My car with a new snow car cover.

 Our sweet spaz Maxine has developed a torn ACL. Cost to fix, over 3000.00. The vet thinks she developed it from either her intense baseball antics ( she likes to play short-stop ), or spinning. We found out it is very prevalent with labs. My main goal with her right now is to not let her spin, very short walks, and no jumping in the truck .

She is my biggest baby.

 There she goes. I keep telling her to stop, somebody get the leash form this cowgirl dog.

She's too happy most times. 

 My little boy and me . I can tell you that it is still difficult to smile for me. It will be 6 months since my daughter's death in a few days. I still expect to hear my phone buzz with a text from her, I still look for her in a car that looks like hers, I still look outside, hoping she will drive up. I still hope she will come to my front door. I do not feel that 6 months has passed, it feels like only a month has passed since the accident. I know that grief can be like this.

I ache to see her and hold her.

 Little snow hat on my garden of good and evil girl statue.

 My snow globe has a nice hat.

 My two twin pups out front have snow hats, and are carrying snow in their baskets.

 All those footprints are from our little boy going back and forth across the street to play and have snowball fights with his friend .

 Mis-behaving and rowdy above.

Let me show you my beautiful oldest daughter and her husband who came by to see us. They moved about a block and a half from us , and we love to see them, though they are a busy young couple.

Look how happy they are, eyes shining.

Full of young love.

 Okay, last picture, we finally got Maxine back inside, and settled her down with a rawhide dog bone.

Warm and cozy and calmer. True love here too , a dog and her bone.

Stay warm , sleep well,

Gina

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Window Views of a ANTIQUE Shop in Charleston, SC & Christmas Sights

 

One of my favorite things to do , or really I should say one of the things that I do that can actually be torturous for me, in a mild torture way...is looking in windows of antique ships that Are CLOSED. Like this one on Meeting St., across from the Mills House Hotel . I have not seen this shop open as much or I may have just been around on days he was closed. I did meet the man that owned it , probably 10 or more years ago, one day when he was there. He was nice and welcoming , unfortunately I could not afford anything there, as downtown antique prices, especially on King St., are higher than out skirting mall prices, such as in neighboring Mount Pleasant. But....the quality is very high in many of these shops on the historic street.

It was a dreary, overcast , chilly Sunday when I took these pictures...but I like that you can see the reflection of Charleston in the windows of the antique store. Plus you can see the antiques. I made the mistake, of asking my husband to turn down a street past the Mills Hotel to get here, a cobblestone street...

We bounced slowly, really were shaken for a good 5 minutes to drive over this bumpy road. Would tell each of you to not turn down one of these streets with a cup of coffee in your hands.

We did laugh though as it feels like a ride at the fair...and it was a dumb idea ( mine).

Let me show you some shots from the outside looking in...

 Antique Watercolor.

 My favorite shot here as those paintings are calling to me to come inside for a closer look. Only some one who really loves antique oils and artwork can understand.

Magnetic.

But it was cold and windy, so I moved from window to window...to take more shots.

 Outside he has some heavy Asian statuary.

 More torture, but mild as I had already bought 4 paintings the day before.

 Italian large art glass vases. I like his handwritten signs with info on the piece. Much better than walking in a shop with no prices on anything. I would tell you to be leery of shops that do not put prices on their antiques...they are usually sizing you up to see what they think you can pay before they tell you the price. I have heard some dealers say they do that to not dissuade you from asking or buying, but I prefer the price to be prominently displayed.

 Remember I am taking all these pictures through heavy lead glass windows , it is windy cold and I am going from window to window, quickly. I look back at the car towards my husband and smile, and he waves to me...we both can hear the church bells start ringing over the city.

 I'm also quite sure, though I did not bother to look...that the bellmen over at the hotel across the street thought I was some goofy tourist taking pictures through windows of a closed , dark antique shop.

They were correct if they were thinking that.

Didn't care.

 Here was his closed sign on the front. Nice of him to let people ( serious buyers), be able to contact someone to get in.

Dresden compote vase.

Here you see condensation through the glass, as in Charleston the historic committees do not let anyone use storm windows on their businesses or residences.

This is how I feel lately anyway...always looking in at life, through a barrier...this was glass , mine is thicker and more opaque inside.

Okay, let me show you a few Christmas sightings. Charleston mainly has very simple natural wreaths and garlands made of pine branches , berries and fruit and then  some ribbons. I will just let the pictures speak...except for a few. It was so cold that mid-morning windy and cold, I would just jump out the car , snap a shot and jump back in. Here you are...

 As you know my very favorite garden in Charleston, and they put a lovely red berry wreath on the handsome statue.

 Homemade wreaths for sale.

These are made with berries, magnolia leaves, pine branches and whatever those white branches are. I don't know , but they are beautiful. Enjoy your families, many blessings, Merry Christmas,

love very strong,

Gina

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